Last week was the 3 year anniversary of my diagnosis. It is not often that I think about my cancer returning. But it does happen.
Somedays the thought is a quick jab in the back of my head that is interrupted by life around me. Other days, it is like a blaring punch in the gut that tries to knock the wind out of me for a while.
Sometimes the anxious thoughts can serve as a reminder to get something checked by a doctor. Other times, my wildly wandering fearful thoughts have myself in the grave and a fading memory to my family.
In my short post-treatment journey, I have realized a few things about this fear of recurrence. First of all, there is absolutely no use, no earthly good in it. The threat of death that came with my diagnosis taught me to be present in today. To fear the possibilities of tomorrow is contrary to living in the now and doesn’t do any one any good.
Secondly, the most fearful times are the times when I am not spending as much time with my Bible. Summer is by far my favorite time of year but it certainly has a lack of routine to it. Lack of routine often equals less consistency with My Savior. Lack of consistency with My Savior always equals insecurity.
Lastly, it also helps to realize the source of the fear is the enemy whose mission is destroy. Therefore I have realized it best to warrior up and defend against the fear of recurrence with my armor in place.
Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. (Ephesians 6:14-17 NIV)
• The Belt of truth and Sword of The Spirit
My doubts, my worries, my fears have been answered so many times with the truth of scripture. When I take the time to stop and seek The Lord, I am never disappointed in his answer to my very concerns for the day. And when I am armed with truth, Satan’s schemes struggle to find a foothold. This is why I have come to love the music that Seeds Family Worship puts out. It is scripture made into catchy tunes that my kids and I both love. Best part is the songs get stuck in my head all day long.
• The Breastplate of Righteousness and Helmet of salvation
Fear is easily replaced by gratitude when I remember my brokenness. Daily, I must be reminded that any righteousness in me is only there because it was transferred from a perfect, sinless Jesus. Having the knowledge of the depth of the sacrifice of my salvation makes me want to pour out my life extravagantly just as the sinful woman who anointed Jesus’s feet did (Luke 7:37-38). This kind of love leaves little room for fear about what could, might happen.
• Ready feet
When I take the focus off of myself and turn it instead toward the gospel of peace, fear loses its grip. Pinked Perspective offers me the opportunity take a grievous time in my life and use it for good. By being witness to and attempting to be a part of God’s faithfulness to others, I can remain confident that He is faithful to me no matter what the future holds.
• The Shield of Faith
The last week has been full–time away with a few of my best girlfriends, swim lessons, getting used to a new job. But it has also been full of memories of a crushing week in my life three years ago. I don’t enjoy remembering those desperate moments but I appreciate that it is good to remember them so that my faith is renewed each day. Keeping reminders of my breast cancer journey part of my every day helps keep God’s Faithfulness in my every day as well.
I would love to hear more from those of you that are friends of the new Pinked Perspective. Is there a piece of armor that has been especially significant in fighting your own battle against fear?