As I stand on the brink of my 39th year or is it really my 40th year since for our entire first year of life we are actually still zero. Honestly I am not sure my 39 year old brain can figure that out at the moment. All I know is next year at this time I will be staring 4-0 straight in the face.
Why is that even significant? Is it the fact that it seems to be the magic number for when the body starts to break down? Or is it that we are quite possibly near the halfway point of this life? Maybe it is simply a reminder that there are things yet to accomplish and the clock is a’tickin. Perhaps a little bit of all three, for me at least.
I find so much satisfaction in completion. It is why I have started bullet journaling and stuck with it. But what about the days that the boxes remain unchecked? What if tomorrow comes and boxes remain unchecked?
It is the message that has been replaying in my head for the last 5 years. There is no guarantee in tomorrow but I have right now. And what am I going to do with my right now?
Along with that whole no guarantee thing, there is the other part that my right now is actually not my own. There is One Who Knows Me better than I know myself and holds it all in His Hands. So my prayer for this 39th Birthday is actually not my own words but the lyrics from Hillsong’s “Captain”. On their latest album Of Dirt and Grace recorded on location in various spots that Jesus himself hung out, “Captain” was recorded while sailing on the Sea of Galilee. So powerful.
Through waters uncharted my soul will embark
I’ll follow Your voice straight into the dark
And if from the course You intend
Speak to the sails of my wandering heart
Like the wind
Clear the skies before me
And I’ll glide this open sea
Like the stars
Will align my voyage
And remind me where I’ve been
And where I am going
Lost in the shallows amidst fear and fog
Your truth is the compass that points me back north
My soul’s trusted Lord
All my allegiance is rightfully Yours”
Admittedly, I kinda had a list of things that I hoped to accomplish over my birthday weekend. I am feeling pretty satisfied with my boxes checked.
✔️ Ice Cream with the Cows at Vanderwende’s
✔️ Puzzle with my boy
✔️ Finishing a hilarious book
✔ Sunrise on the beach
✔️ Paradise Grill with a bunch of my favorite people