No Fear in Death…What About Disappointment?

The theme of this week has been death. This doesn’t seem all that inappropriate considering it is passion week and the time of year that we especially focus on the events that led up to Jesus being put on the cross. I am okay with remembering His death, and in fact I have determined this year that we will do a better job remembering as a family. We know how that ultimate love story ends and it does not disappoint!

But what about the parts of death that do disappoint….

This passion week began for me with a beautiful sermon on Sunday about the death of Jesus’s good friend, Lazarus. In all the times I read this passage, I don’t remember stopping long enough to think on the confusion that Lazarus’s friends and family felt when their friend Jesus didn’t come to save him in time before he died. After all, they had been walking closely with Him and believed in who He was and what He had the power to do. Disappointment.

For the last few months, I have been praying for one of my physical therapy patients who was diagnosed with an extremely rare Adrenal cancer. When I say “few months” I literally mean about five since he came to one of his last therapy appointments for his shoulder to share with me the dreadful news of cancer that he had just learned. On Monday evening, he passed away. During our many PT sessions together he would often speak of his dreams of spending his retirement traveling with his wife as soon as he could get his shoulder better. Disappointment.

This Tuesday marked the one year anniversary since Kara Tippetts went to heaven after a long battle with Breast Cancer. She left behind a loving husband and four adorable children, not to mention a thick community of friends that carry on her mission on her blog, Mundane Faithfulness. So many people praying for healing for such a profound writer, proclaimer of God’s goodness and yet she still is taken from her family at 38 years old with only three books written. Disappointment.

As our kids opened Wednesday‘s resurrection egg and we read about the significance of the purple jelly bean, we were reminded of the sorrow that Jesus felt as the time drew near to what He knew He must endure. Despite coming to earth, living a perfect life, performing miracles and loving so many in His Father’s name, it just wasn’t enough. God’s cup awaited Him, including the rejection of all of his friends and separation from His Father. Disappointment.

During that aforementioned sermon, my pastor told me to have no fear in death. He reiterated that “Jesus is The Resurrection and The Life” and His raising Lazarus from the dead was proof of that. After walking through the questionable journey of cancer and now studying the end of days in Revelation, I can honestly say that I no longer fear my own death. {I might even be a little more comfortable with suffering because I know the Hope found in it.} But just because I choose to believe that the Glory of Heaven will far outweigh the greatest of joys found in this life, the disappointment that often surrounds death remains.

The disappointment of unmet expectations, unfulfilled dreams, unanswered prayers and separation that often accompany physical death have me a bit stuck on the purple jelly bean at the moment. Other than the obvious sorrow I feel this week because my sin and rejection of Him put him on the cross, there is much sorrow for those that are currently drinking the cup and desperately seeking to understand it…and not be sorely disappointed by it.

Even as I share these emotions today, Thursday, I am in process. I had asked for more identification with what Christ did for me and my family this week. And no doubt, He has answered. I see that He is preparing my heart for tomorrow…Friday…Good Friday.